Lia: We've arrived! There are barbarians on the road, and we are two sheltered young woman who have never ventured outside of the palace before, but somehow we've magically made it there safely, eluding everyone pursuing us and leaving no clues as to where we've gone! The Prince: Sure, let's find an inn in a small town and be roomies.Ĭhorus: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GUYS FIND EACH OTHER WITHIN 2 CHAPTERS?
The Assassin: Just chilling, man, you know. What are you doing in these neck of the woods?
The Assassin: Oh, hi, random stranger, fancy meeting you here. Falling in love is totally out of the question. I am neither old, decrepit, or smelly! I will only chase after Lia because I have to. The Prince: I am a prince! The prince who was supposed to marry Lia. The Assassin: I am an assassin! I will find Princess Lia! I will kill her, because it's my motherfucking job! Lia and Pauline: Nay! We're running away right now! *hops on horses and rides off* Pauline: Whatever you say, my lady! I will abandon my position, risk my life, abandon my long-time love, Mikael, leave everything I have ever known behind in order to fulfill your wish!Ĭhorus: That's a bit much, don't you think? Lia: Let's run away after completely ruining a centuries-old gown and completely disregarding all tradition! Screw my family! Screw them, I say! Lia: I am a princess! I am rebellious! I am worthless! It is my wedding day and I'm going to run away because I can't bear to be trapped in a marriage that will secure the peace between the two nations and I think my future husband is going to be a hideous old douchebag!Ĭhorus: He probably smells, too!!! But what about the peace?! The Prince: the prince who got jilted by Lia when she runs away, he pursues her only to fall further in love with her! The Assassin: the fucking moron sent to kill Lia, who can't do his fucking job! Pauline: her devoted maidservant who is devoted to devoting her job and devoting her life to her princess Lia: a lovely young 17-year old Princess of a generic High Fantasy Kingdom Also, I'm at work, and even in my cubicle, they'd probably frown upon me wearing a bathrobe, however chill my boss is. Wearing a blanket over my head because I don't have a white bathrobe. It is not a high fantasy when the main character spends the entire fucking half of the book pretending to be a serving maid, daydreaming, and trying to decide which of two mysterious strangers she likes more.Įvery Greek play has a Chorus. The entire play can be set on one stage with almost no scenery changes because I swear to fucking god nothing fucking happens in this book.
THAT'S RIGHT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE A FUCKING LOVE TRIANGLE. A Dramedy, not to be confused with a dromedary, because a dromedary only has one hump. I present you a short version of the book: Kiss of Deception: A Greek Dramedy.
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